Sunday, 26 February 2012

Mickey Mousers Claim Mickey Mouse Cup Scalp

Liverpool have confirmed their status as the Premier League’s Mickey Mouse team by beating a team from a lower division to win the Mickey Mouse Cup.

Cardiff were leading the scousers 1-0 at half time, but conceded an equaliser 15 minutes into the second half. Extra time was then played and Liverpool scraped a goal which had their fans thinking had won the trophy. However, pretty piss poor defending let the mighty Cardiff back into the game and sent the final to penalties, which the scousers just about won.

The result means English football’s less important trophy goes north to Anfield and is the first silverware since 2006 for Liverpool. And Jedi Master Bob was on hand, with the help of a translator, to get the reaction of the fans.

“It’s great. We’ve won nothing for ages and now we win the League Cup,” said Wayne Jordan, a lifelong Liverpool fan. And he also attempted a dig at the two Manchester clubs currently dominating the League. “Are you watching Manchester? You can have your Premier League and Europa League, but we’ve got the League Cup. Top that one.”

Asked how he would celebrate the win, Wayne said “I’ve rang my wife and told her we’d won the cup. She said ‘I know you stupid fucker. I was watching it on telly.’ I don’t know where she robbed one from. Anyway, she said she’s been to Aldi and nicked some beer and cheap cava. We’re going to have a great night, what with me not having to get up for work or anything.”

And fellow delusional scouser Mick Walker said, “This is just the greatest day of my life. Everyone wrote us off but we’ve come out on top again. It’s funny though. We’re always telling people to calm down but I don’t think I’ll calm down for weeks. At least we’ve qualified for Europe now so we don’t have top worry about our league position, which is pretty shit, isn’t it?”

Cardiff meanwhile, are still in a position where their season hasn’t yet ended and still have the play-offs to aim for. The club currently occupy sixth place in the Championship and will be looking to meet Liverpool in the Premier League next season.

Bluebirds supporter Ian Jones said “Unlike the scousers, our season didn’t just depend on a cup, and a minor cup at that. They have the two Manchester clubs ahead of them, who are far superior and will be for years, in addition to three London clubs and even Newcastle are higher at the moment. The cup was a distraction for us anyway.”

Liverpool council will hold a procession for the team in light of their outstanding achievement, meaning those who do hold a job will get an opportunity to have legal time off, rather than just crying off sick.

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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