Rich Asking For List Of People That Won’t Have Dinner With Cameron

The world of the rich was in uproar last night as Prime Minister David Cameron continued to reject calls to publish a list of people that would refuse to have dinner with him and his wife, with some even claiming the Prime Minister is into kinky sex games.

Cameron came under fire on Sunday after Peter Cruddas, the Conservative Party co-treasurer was caught offering rich people the opportunity to meet with the Prime Minister and his wife in return for donating £250,000 per year to the Conservative Party, like it was some sort of gym membership.

However a number of high profile rich people have called on the Prime Minister to publish a list of all those absolutely will not pay to have dinner with him, which will enable them to clear their names of having any association with him.

Ernest Huffington-Smyth of Hertfordshire said “He should give the names of all those who have refused to have dinner with him and help us clear our names. My reputation is suffering because of this, with everyone thinking I’m one of these idiots. Well let me tell you now. My money is spent on phoning Babestation and picking up dirty street prostitutes, which is considerably less embarrassing than having dinner with the Camerons.”

And James Brassington of Bury St Edmunds agreed. “It’s bad enough being rich and everyone wanting a hand-out; I keep having to tell my lazy bitch mother to go out and get a job. But then we get accused of fraternising with people like Cameron and it’s not fair. There should be laws against this, but he makes all the laws doesn’t he, the fucker.”

Sauce With Your Dinner?

But one unnamed person, who had accepted an invitation, stated that the Camerons had an ulterior motive for inviting rich people and bizarrely claims the couple are into kinky sex games.

“We were midway through the second course and enjoying pleasant conversation when I asked what my money would entitle me to. I knew something was wrong when David gave a slight look towards Samantha and winked. Next thing I know, Samantha’s lobbed her tits out, smeared sauce all over them and ordering me to lick it off.

“I quickly left the table and locked myself in the bathroom while I cracked one off, before fleeing the house. David rang me later on and said if I told anyone, he’d have to talk to Prince Phillip. I’m risking my life talking to you now.”

Downing Street have refused to comment on the allegations and refuted any claims that the top dog and his wife are into sex games. “Oh come on, look at him. He’s a missionary position man. Even the thought of her going on top scares the shit out of him, so to think he’d let her enjoy herself with a real man is out of the question. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have an appointment with the Duke of Edinburgh.”

Sorry unnamed person. Looks like you’re fucked.

May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob

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