Friday 9 March 2012

Dolphins To Make Cruelty Complaint Following Brazilian Beach Rescue

Around thirty dolphins are set to make a claim for compensation, claiming beachgoers in Brazil mistreated them as they were rescued from the beach and put back into the sea.

The incident started when the dolphins swam too close to the shore line at Arraial do Cobo in Rio de Janeiro before the water selfishly retreated, leaving the dolphins stranded on the beach. As the mammals squealed at the embarrassment of becoming beached, a group of beachgoers helped them get back to the sea by dragging them by their tails.

But the dolphins claim the beachgoers were rough and dragged them in an ‘inhumane manner before dumping them back into the ocean. One rescued dolphin said, “I couldn’t believe it. One minute I’m swimming around thinking how cool it is in Brazil, the next I’m being dragged along the sand and thrown into the sea. Could they not have picked me up and carried me? It is disgraceful how I’ve been treated. I’ll never return to Brazil again after this.”

And another dolphin has stepped, or rather swam, forward claiming he was violated by one of the rescuers. “I’m sure he slipped a finger up my arse. I can still feel his touch on my ring. I feel violated. I just keep telling myself it was his finger and not something else. My wife won’t be able to look at me the same again.”

The dolphin society said it is treating the claim by the dolphins as a serious case of animal cruelty and has vowed to track down those responsible. “We’re viewing the footage again, but we feel there is substantial evidence to push a claim through. Where there’s blame, there’s a claim and all that.”

But the people on the beach have reacted angrily to the dolphin’s claims. “We rescue those fuckers and this is the thanks we get,” said one of the rescuers. “Well never again. The next time I see a dolphin on the beach, I’m sticking it on my sandwich. Cheeky bastards.”

If found guilty, the humans responsible face up to fifteen years working with dolphins in a marina, being told every day how clever the mammals are while being forced to feed them dead fish. “If they were that clever,” said one onlooker. “They wouldn’t have got themselves beached in the first place. Dickheads.”

May the force me with you.

Jedi Master Bob

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