The puppet had been built as the 30th anniversary of the Falklands Conflict grew closer and the Foreign Office discovered its existence just a few days ago. Since then, officials worked around the clock to try and gain the puppets release, but sadly the negotiations failed.
“We can confirm that, despite our best efforts, a puppet of Prince William was executed this afternoon,” said a Foreign Office spokesman this evening. “The puppet was being held by a group of people, who we assume have a collective IQ somewhere in the region of minus forty. This afternoon, the puppet was dragged out onto the streets and, before a baying crowd, was set on fire.”
The puppet was last seen in pieces in various stores across Buenos Aires, and it is believed a complete imbecile, rumoured to be the president herself, built the head. It is understood that the puppet was put together and left in a corner of someone’s home and it may even have been kicked a few times, before being led to its inhumane death.
In addition to the puppet’s execution, a number of British flags were kidnapped from shops and burned by people who clearly had nothing better to do in what is probably the most ineffective way to show the world what a peaceful and tolerant nation they really are.
Throughout its ordeal, the puppet made not a sound, which is more than can be said for the Argentinean president, who decided that the best way to commemorate her country’s dead soldiers is by winding up the broken record she’s been playing for the last few weeks.
Christina Kirchner, one time love interest of Sean ‘Bell-end’Penn, claimed the British stance on the Falklands Islands was absurd which, considering her people were out on streets burning puppets instead of working, is not too dissimilar to the pot calling the kettle black.
No group have claimed responsibility for the fiery execution but it is widely thought to be the work of a bunch of thick, mindless, brain-dead wankers, which actually account for 98% of the population.
Puppet Murderers
Buckingham Palace declined to comment on the puppet’s execution, as they were too busy pissing their sides laughing, mainly because the puppet looked fuck all like the Prince. “The Queen can make a better puppet of William, and she’s in her eighties, not stuck in them, like most of the Argies” said a spokesman this evening. “Prince Philip could well need to go back into hospital he’s been laughing that hard. I mean, is that really the best they can do?”
Meanwhile William’s wife, the Duchess of Cambridge, was said to be horrified by the burning. “She couldn’t believe that such a nice jacket had been burned,” continued the spokesman. “What with Kate being a fashion icon and all that. But she has been reassured it will end up on the back of a homeless person by tomorrow, so she’s okay now.”
As night fell in Argentina, the puppet murderers were still out on the streets, free to roam without fear of retribution and hailed as heroes, while the rest of the world just look down on them and wait with baited breath for the next move which will embarrass their country further.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
Follow me on Twitter if you want @FedUpJedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
No real Prince William's were harmed in the burning of the puppet or in the writing of this article.
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