The Criminals Of The Hobbit, Southampton

Criminals come in all shapes and sizes and their crimes vary in degree, but one such crime cannot go unpunished and lawyers in Hollywood have set about punishing the criminal concerned.

There is a pub in Southampton called The Hobbit, which has held the name for twenty years and in 2007 was dubbed the best pub in Southampton. But regulars to the pub had absolutely no idea that the owners of the establishment were criminals of the highest order.

Students To Protest About Costs By Not Using The Education They Have Paid For

Tens of thousands of students are planning a national walkout on Wednesday in protest against the cost of education, despite the fact that they have already paid for their education this term.

Doom And Gloomers Disappointed At Lack Of Destruction Following Solar Storm

Doom and Gloom merchants from across the globe have been expressing their disappointment that the recent solar storm went by largely unnoticed and did not cause any destruction, which could have led to the end of the world.

A huge explosion on the surface of the sun sent solar particles hurtling towards earth and there was particular excitement at Doomsday HQ when they saw the magnitude of the blast. And when they discovered airlines and power companies were on alert, they were positively masturbating themselves into a frenzy at the thought that their stupid predictions of death and destruction in 2012 would have come true.

Dolphins To Make Cruelty Complaint Following Brazilian Beach Rescue

Around thirty dolphins are set to make a claim for compensation, claiming beachgoers in Brazil mistreated them as they were rescued from the beach and put back into the sea.

The incident started when the dolphins swam too close to the shore line at Arraial do Cobo in Rio de Janeiro before the water selfishly retreated, leaving the dolphins stranded on the beach. As the mammals squealed at the embarrassment of becoming beached, a group of beachgoers helped them get back to the sea by dragging them by their tails.

Al Qaeda Claim Responsibility For Solar Storm

Al Qaeda has reacted strongly to rumours that they are in a state of disarray by claiming responsibility for the explosion on the surface of the sun, which in turn has sent a huge magnetic storm towards our planet.

Cameron 'Desperately Sad' Over British Soldier Deaths? Well Pull them Out Then

In 2001, British soldiers joined America in fighting the Taliban in the attempt to find Osama Bin Laden under the banner of ‘War on Terror.’ Eleven years later, Bin Laden is dead and Afghanistan is no longer under Taliban rule.

In the years following the start of the war, Britain has had two General Elections and three different Prime Ministers. Since the start of the war, America have had two elections and two different Presidents and are building up to a third election which could result in a third president.

Now Penguins Stake Falkland Islands Claim

The Antarctic penguin empire has staked a claim on the Falklands Islands as the 30^th anniversary of the war between the UK and Argentina over the islands grows closer.

Despite the UK officially controlling the islands and Argentina laying claim to what they call Las Malvinas, the penguin empire say that the islands ‘have and always will belong to them.’

Alien Invasion Dismissed As ‘Meteorite’

A suspected alien invasion is being covered up as an asteroid or meteorite in the upper levels of Earth’s atmosphere.

Police from across the UK received numerous calls form worried members of the public on Saturday night, claiming the saw a large fireball in the sky, prompting worried citizens to suspect the country was being invaded from the depths of space.

Humperdinck Resurrected For Eurovision Failure

The United Kingdom’s Eurovision organisers have performed something of a minor miracle by resurrecting crooner Englebert Humperdinck so that the country can once again fail at the Eurovision Song Contest.

Humperdinck has not been heard of since his last ‘hit’ in 1974 and his sudden re-appearance back in the music scene has caused many to ask if UK Eurovision organisers have been able to bring him back from the afterlife.

Katie Price To Finally be Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

Attention seeking publicity whore Katie Price is to finally be prosecuted by Court of Human Rights for crimes against humanity, it has emerged.

The former glamour model is accused of torturing the British public by peddling any old shit just to get her name in magazines and papers and appearing on TV before the nine o’clock watershed, causing many children to suffer from nightmares. But a spokesman for The Hague said that once they found Price guilty, the British public would no longer have to suffer her drivel.