Thursday, 8 March 2012

Al Qaeda Claim Responsibility For Solar Storm

Al Qaeda has reacted strongly to rumours that they are in a state of disarray by claiming responsibility for the explosion on the surface of the sun, which in turn has sent a huge magnetic storm towards our planet.

The terrorist group have been quiet since leader Osama Bin Laden found out if he did receive 76 virgins upon death, but a spokesman for the group confirmed they are active once more.

“The explosion on the surface of the sun was the result of action carried out by Al Qaeda. We sent four suicide bombers to the sun, at night when the sun goes dark, to set off the explosion. The mission was not a complete success as the sun was bigger than we originally thought but still, the west will suffer as a result of the solar storm.”

And the American government has vowed to track down those responsible for committing the act, while criticising the sun’s defensive capabilities. “Those people who carried out this attack will be made to pay. Well not the ones who carried it out as they’re already dead. I mean the ones who told them to go. You know what I’m saying. Anyway, we’re coming for you and we’ll invade whichever country we think you’re in to get you. As long as it’s not America. That would be a little awkward.

“As for the sun, I would have thought it would have a tighter defence system in place. We’ve been sending it messages for years warning something like this could happen and have never, ever received a response. We are very disappointed in it.”

However, astronomers believe the storm, which will pass Earth early tomorrow morning, may affect the National Grid, GPS systems and planes flying close to the Polar Regions, but would go unnoticed by most people.

“Some planes might re-route and satellites may be affected but in general, nothing else will happen. And my microwave should still be working so I can warm my pies up for lunch.”

That news will come as a big blow for the doom and gloomers, who have predicted the world will end this year. One believer, Harry Whittlesnapp said, “It would have been great if it happened now. That would have shut you non-believers up. Well, in truth, it would have shut everyone up. But we’re still on course for December 21. That’s our official day of death.”

Al Qaeda meanwhile, refused to speculate whether they would send anyone else to try again. “I cannot say,” said their spokesman. “All I know is that another 304 virgins have just been used. I don’t know how many are in stock in heaven. We’ll have to check it out and get back to you.”

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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