Thursday, 1 March 2012

Katie Price To Finally be Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

Attention seeking publicity whore Katie Price is to finally be prosecuted by Court of Human Rights for crimes against humanity, it has emerged.

The former glamour model is accused of torturing the British public by peddling any old shit just to get her name in magazines and papers and appearing on TV before the nine o’clock watershed, causing many children to suffer from nightmares. But a spokesman for The Hague said that once they found Price guilty, the British public would no longer have to suffer her drivel.

“This has been a long time coming,” said the spokesman. “The British public have been subjected to her presence on TV and in magazines for long enough. It’s time she was stopped before she does some serious damage to the young people of Britain.”

In recent years, Price has released four autobiographies, as well as numerous books thought to be aimed towards children, while allowing camera crews to follow her around in programs such as Katie and Peter The Next Chapter, What Katie Did Next and the last one, Signed By Katie Price.

“That really was the last straw,” said the spokesman. “Signed by Katie Price was the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen. I felt sorry for the poor people degrading themselves just to meet her. British public, you will suffer no more.

“People think we do nothing at The Hague, but we’ve been watching her for a while. It’s been difficult to get her, but we can’t go on letting her produce crap after crap and get away with it.”

And the people of Britain have reacted well to the news. Karen Steel from Bristol said, “The day Katie Price is removed from society, and indeed our TV screens, will be a great day for humanity. God only knows what effect her presence has had on our young.”

And Jack Lord from Norwich agreed. “No more will we have to see that thick, ignorant airhead dominating magazines. She even has her own magazine out. Have you seen that? Arse paper, that’s what that is. Nothing more than arse paper. In fact, my arse doesn’t deserve to be wiped on a picture of her face.”

But protests have already started across the country when it was discovered that, if Price is found guilty of crimes against humanity, she will simply be imprisoned rather than be tortured endlessly.

“I think she should suffer the same punishment as we have been subjected to,” added Jack from Norwich. “Personally I’d strap her to a chair and force her to watch intellectual television. It’ll drive her mad not understanding what everyone’s talking about. Then she’ll know what it’s been like for us all these years.”

Price was not available to comment on the trial as we were not prepared to pay her or put in a good word for her and we couldn’t spend more than five minutes in a room with her without wanting to kill her.

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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