Alien Invasion Dismissed As ‘Meteorite’

A suspected alien invasion is being covered up as an asteroid or meteorite in the upper levels of Earth’s atmosphere.

Police from across the UK received numerous calls form worried members of the public on Saturday night, claiming the saw a large fireball in the sky, prompting worried citizens to suspect the country was being invaded from the depths of space.

“I saw a bright light in the sky,” said Gladys Maynard from Cumbria. “And I instantly thought aliens were landing. I’d seen it in War of the Worlds. You know, the nineteen fifty-three version, not the shit one with Tom Cruise that didn’t make any sense. But when I phoned the police they said it was just a meteorite and put the phone down quickly. I think there’s a cover up here.”

And her husband George, a retired truck driver said, “I’ve seen things like this when I’ve been out on the road and every time they’ve had an explanation. They’ll find a crashed ship in a few days and claim it was a weather balloon or something, you watch.”

But the police were quick to dismiss Mr and Mrs Maynard’s allegations. “I honestly don’t know what the fuck they expected us to do about it,” said an unnamed spokesman. “I mean, this an incident that is happening miles into the atmosphere. Why do people ring the police over stupid matters like this? Ooh there’s a light in the sky; let’s ring the police. Ooh there’s been an earthquake; let’s ring the police. Ooh there’s a robber; let’s ring the police. We don’t need calls like this, especially when it’s close to closing time at the takeaways.”

The Ministry of Defence has also stepped in to back up the police over the matter. “There is absolutely no way that this is sign of an alien invasion. It was a meteorite, plain and simple and anyone who says anything else is a knob.

“And besides, even if aliens did land, you don’t think we’d be stupid enough to tell you about them do you? We’d up sticks and run like hell, leaving you lot to fend for yourselves. It’s what we do best.”

And in the last half an hour, contact from an alien world was received at Jodrell Bank. The message, which lasted around forty-five seconds said “We would like to confirm that we are not invading your pathetic little planet. Why the hell would we do that? All you do is fight and kill each other over stupid things. Our High Council have voted to never, ever visit your planet until you learn to live together. Now fuck off and stop looking for us.”

May the force be with you.

Jedi Master Bob