Tens of thousands of students are planning a national walkout on Wednesday in protest against the cost of education, despite the fact that they have already paid for their education this term.
In their eyes, not taking the education they have already paid for is a logical way of showing their objection at rising costs. The idea of the protests is to show what universities will look like should the costs of higher education escalate, but unfortunately doesn’t take into account the rich people who don’t give a shit about costs and send their children anyway.
The walkout is part of a week of action to show that high tuition fees and hidden course costs are meaning more and more students are having to get part time jobs to fund their drinking sessions and some even face giving them up altogether.
Paul Butler, who is studying some worthless subject that will in no way help him when he enters the real world at Lancaster University said “I don’t know how I’m going to cope if fees get higher. At the moment, I’m drinking five days out of seven but if fees get any higher, I’ve got two choices; work and earn the money or give up drinking. What a fucking choice eh? Thanks Cameron.”
However Lucy Baroli from Dorset disagreed. “I think increasing the costs will actually bring better students to universities across the country. We’re sick of these common people using university as an excuse to get drunk all the time and to try and get in my knickers. Bring on the higher fees. It’s okay, mummy and daddy have enough money to pay for my worthless degree.”
Meanwhile, students from Leicester and Keele universities put their higher education to good use by playing a game of Quidditch. Now, any Harry Potter fan knows that Quidditch is played on flying broomsticks a fair few feet into the air, while avoiding large balls hurtling towards them at great speed.
And the one played at Keele University was no different. Well, maybe just a little bit.
Students ran around a pitch trying to throw a quaffle through three hoops, while a bludger was thrown at them. In addition, a neutral player was dressed in yellow and ran around like an idiot, while the teams’ seekers tried to grab a tennis ball tied to his waist. And to complete the scene, all players ran around on broomsticks.
“It’s the best thing I’ve had between my legs in ages,” enthused one out of breath player following the match. “We had a good day. We’re all aching, but it was fun. Jake over there is still trying to get his broom out of his arse. Or is he pushing it further up?”
Just so you know, Keele won the match 2-1 and take the bragging rights, however in the real world which the majority of us live, that really is nothing to brag about.
McDonalds counters across the country are eagerly anticipating the moment when this lot finally graduate.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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