The UK finished one place above bottom country Norway after scoring a remarkable twelve points and pushed eventual winners Sweden all the way, losing by just three hundred and sixty points.
On insider at Eurovision HQ in London said the result was an unprecedented success for the UK. “We didn’t expect that to be honest. We had no points until Belgium surprised everyone and gave us a point and from there, it really took off. I even forgot Belgium existed until tonight.
“But it was incredible to watch. It was another memorable night in an unforgettable year. I wonder if we get a bonus for this like the bankers do?”
Latvia gave the UK two points, Ireland four and Estonia gave us a huge five points to give The Hump twelve more points than expected and his achievements have now got the organisers thinking of future success.
“If we carry on like this, we’ll get to the middle of the second board in ten years, maybe even near the top,” continued the insider. “That’s the long term aim, anyway. We’re thinking of asking Sir Cliff to make a comeback next year. He’s won it before, you know.”
Following Sweden’s success, Eurovision organiser rejected the idea that the contest was fixed and motivated by politics. “These allegations are without foundation,” said a Eurovision spokesman today. “Just because neighbours vote for each other year after year and they all seem to vote for one particular song together with the fact that the UK has no neighbours that it can rely on for points does not imply any wrongdoing.
“It’s all coincidence. It’s not like we phone around and ask who can afford to host it next year and then tell everyone to vote for them. We don’t do that. Honest. But what we do object to is the fact that Scott Mills, the UK representative, used our contest to remind everyone where the Olympics are being held this year. It’s not on. It was like he was telling us to stuff our competition up our fat arses or something.”
The 2013 contest will be held in Gothenburg with Spain already being tipped as favourites to win. “I don’t want to go give anything away,” said the spokesman. “But Spain may do very well next year. It’s not fixed though, I can assure you that.”
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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