Now, I like to think that I’m a fairly decent person and like
to give compliments to those that deserve it, whether it be how someone looks
or for the work they have done. My compliments are greeted with a smile and a feeling
that I have just made someone’s day. But it seems not everyone likes to be
complimented as I found out today.
So here I am, walking around town enjoying the sunshine.
Everywhere I look is flesh as almost everyone around me decides to go
shirtless, short skirts and dresses or tops that reveal a little too much. So I
decide that, because the sunshine puts me in a very good mood, I’m going to pay
one of these people a well earned compliment.
A lovely young lady was walking towards me, she must have
been about 26, 28 and her skin was really really really really great. She wasn’t
a natural blond but… sorry, though I was advertising something shit then. Anyway
as she got closer I smiled and told her how nice she looked today.
The girl beamed a smile back at me and, encouraged by that,
I decided to compliment her further. “And you’ve got an absolutely cracking pair
of tits,” I said proudly.
The response I got was somewhat muted.
I wasn’t sure whether it was what I said, how I said it or
the fact that I prodded her breasts as I spoke, but the smile quickly
disappeared. As I stepped away, everything started moving in slow motion. I
became aware of her right hand moving up, palm facing towards me ready to
strike. Even Jedi reflexes could not have saved me as the hand struck me hard
across the face and I stood, motionless in the street, unable to comprehend
what had happened.
I convinced myself that it was a one off so I told the next
woman I met exactly the same thing, and the next and the next but all reacted
in the same way. Maybe their reactions had something to do with the sun and I
pondered this inside the police van on my way to the station.
Why can’t women accept compliments like that? I was only saying
how good they looked. It wasn’t like I’d gone up to them and completely slated
them or anything. It was a simple, little compliment and I thought women liked
that. Evidently not.
As I autographed some sort of register, I realised my
mistake; I hadn’t taken my sunglasses off. If I had, they would have seen the
sincerity in my eyes.
Ah well, you live and learn. I’ll try again as soon as my
court order is spent, which should be around 2030, that’s the year, not at half
past eight tonight.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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