New Earth-Like Planet May Have WMD’s Say Americans

A newly discovered planet, which is supposedly capable of supporting human life, has been targeted for invasion by the American government who suspect any inhabitants may have Weapons of Mass Destruction and could well be deployed against Earth.

The planet, which currently orbits a star known only as HD40307, is approximately just forty two light years from Earth, meaning that if any weapons were deployed now, we could all potentially be dead by 2044.

It is that frightening statistic, together with the fact that The Pentagon have images of weapons on the surface of the planet, that has forced the Americans to act now and plans are being made to invade the planet sooner than later.

“Satellite images of the planet show and abundance of oil, I mean weapons based on major areas of the planet,” said a spokesman for the Pentagon today. “It is our job to attack this planet and take their oil, I mean weapons and destroy them before they can be used on us. Then we’ll be free to rape the planet of all its resources. Forget I said that last bit.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron agreed with the Americans, saying it is imperative that we strike now. Reading from a cue card provided by the American government, Cameron said “The American intelligence is sound on this as it always is. It’s better than it was when we went to war in Iraq. I’m impressed by how much information we have considering the planet cannot be properly observed, but we’ll go along with them, like we always do given our ‘special relationship.’

“We cannot delay on this. If we do, it will give them all a chance to hide their weapons like they did in Iraq. And we can’t afford another debacle like that.”

The invasion, scheduled to take place in late 2044, will be the first of its kind, intergalactically speaking, however plans could be shelved if oil, I mean weapons are found on a closer planet.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if they were on Mars,” said the Pentagon spokesman. “However mars have no oil, I mean weapons and no one to blow up so it would be pretty pointless going there, but if those dickheads at NASA find a better, closer target, with oil, then we’ll go for that instead.”

But the military may face a race to get to the planet first and rumours have circulated that Starbucks and McDonalds are already planning to open their franchises on the new planet.

May the force be with you

The Fed Up Jedi

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