Tool of the Year – Contender Number 8 - Derek Acorah

For a psychic, I bet he didn’t see this one coming. Derek Acorah makes our list following his claims that Madeleine McCann is dead and died a long time ago, therefore not only becoming a contender for Tool of the Year, but also Sick, Ignorant, Fake Bastard of the Year as well.

The fraud claimed little Madeleine, who disappeared from a holiday resort in Portugal in 2007, was no longer with this world and died a long time ago. However, the dickhead offered some consolation to her distraught parents by claiming she is soon to be reincarnated.

I’m sure Gerry and Kate McCann are jumping for joy on hearing that.

If he is correct, why is he not helping her parents find Maddy’s body? If he’s so confident she’s dead he must be able to guide police to her. Come one Acorah, prove how good you are and tell the world where she is hidden. Ask your buddies in the ‘spirit world’ for the location of her body.

Acorah has apologised for the comments, but claims that he is not so sad as to make money from someone else’s misery. No of course not. You just make your money from being a fraud.

Let’s take an episode of Most Haunted fro example when Ciaran O’Keefe set you up. For those who don’t know, in 2007 the Most Haunted team visited Bodmin Gaol and Ciaran, who was very sceptical about the existence of ghosts, decided to test him and set up a fake name to see if Acorah mentioned it.

Throughout the day, the name Kreed Kafer, an anagram of Derek Faker, was mentioned hoping that Acorah would say the name in a séance or on one of the walks around the gaol. So you can imagine Ciaron’s surprise when Acorah was possessed by Kreed Kafer himself.

In another episode, the team visited a part of London which was supposedly a hang out place for Jack the Ripper, however evidence proved that The Ripper never, ever visited the area.

But did that stop Acorah? Not in the slightest. Acorah boldly shouted out “I know you’re here Jack.” Why let a few facts get in the way of a good lump of bullshit eh Derek?

But one of the best moments of Acorah’s Most Haunted ‘career’ was the moment when he went into a deep trance before confidently shouting ‘Mary loves Dick,’ which left many lesbians called Mary with a little explaining to do. Click here to see this in action and watch Yvette Fielding struggle to keep herself from laughing

Derek Acorah. There have been many fakes over the years but none is despicable as you. You made a TV career out of being a fraud and for a while it was amusing to watch. Now you are using your non-existent talents to bring more misery to an already shattered family.

Although you are up against some strong opposition, I sincerely hope you are voted Tool of the Year 2012. I will take great pleasure in telling you exactly what I think of you.

Kate and Gerry McCann don’t need you spouting shit like this and I hope that, more than ever, Maddy is found alive and well and returned to her parents.

That will prove once and for all what a fraud you are and hopefully your name will never, ever disgrace our screens again.

Jedi Master Bob

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