Tuesday, 31 January 2012

MP’s Fear Calls For More As Goodwin Stripped Of Knighthood

MP’s are bracing themselves for calls for more people to be stripped of titles after former RBS Chief Executive Fred ‘Bell-end’ Goodwin was stripped of his knighthood today.

Goodwin, who is no longer known as Sir Fred Bell-end, was head of RBS during the 2008 credit crunch and had to be bailed out with tax payers money to the tune of £45b. And when he left the bank in November 2008, Mr Bell-end was given a £700,000 + pension, which also included a lump sum payment of £2.7m.

And now Goodwin has had his knighthood ‘cancelled and annulled’ after he brought the honours system into disrepute.

MP’s now fear that the public will want others to be stripped of titles they do not deserve. One member of the public has demanded that Katie Price be stripped of the title celebrity and glamour model, citing it violates the trades description act, although she may be allowed to be known as her official title ‘publicity whore.’

In music, Michael Buble may be forced to have the word singer removed from his title, JLS may have the word band taken away and Justin Bieber will hopefully be removed from existence.

The football world could be thrown into chaos as Andy Carroll, a £35m transfer from Newcastle to Liverpool may no longer be known as a footballer. Carroll’s agent, who wants to remain anonymous due to fear of being ridiculed at representing the ‘player’ said “it’s a bit harsh to take the term footballer away from Andy. What about just removing the word striker like in Emile Heskey’s case?”

The world of politics doesn’t escape either. Nick Clegg faces a fight to keep the word ‘honourable,’ Diane Abbott may no longer be called multicultural and Boris Johnson will have to fight the hardest if he is to remain human.

It’s not all bad news though. Eric Pickles gets to keep his title of fat bastard, Luiz Suarez and John Terry will remain racist and Wayne Rooney will forever be known as a thick bastard.

However, teenagers’ appeal to stop them being known as spotty, ignorant, depressive self important fuckers may fall on deaf ears.

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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