Sunday, 15 April 2012

Tom Daley To Take Diving Lessons From Ashley Young

Diver Tom Daley is set to take lessons from Manchester United winger Ashley Young in a bid to help him win gold at the London Olympics in the summer.

Daley first noticed Young’s speciality diving when United entertained QPR at Old Trafford last Sunday, with Young taking a spectacular dive to win his side a penalty, setting his side on their way to a 2-0 victory.

But after seeing the winger taking a more theatrical dive and succeeding in conning the referee in United’s 4-0 win over Aston Villa, Daley has now contacted the winger to ask if Young can give him a few pointers before he takes to the board in London.

“We’d heard about Ashley Young’s reputation as a diver when he was ‘brought down’ by James Milner in the Manchester Derby in October,” said a spokesman for Young this evening. “Looking at the video of that one, it was quite an impressive one, but since then, he’s got a little more flamboyant with his dives, so Tom is getting a few tips from him.

We’re hoping that, with Ashley’s help, Tom will be able to secure Gold at the 2012 Olympic Games. At least then, Young’s diving skills would be put to better use, as opposed to cheating his way to a Premier League winners medal.”

Furthermore, the British Swimming Team have also expressed an interest in the winger, saying they could do with someone of Young’s ability in the diving pool. “Yes we’re interested in Young,” said one insider. “It might be possible to get him for the Olympics, but we’ll have to see what Sir Alex Ferguson says, if he’s not too drunk to talk to us, he is Scottish after all. Young has a tremendous ability and it would be a shame to waste it on football alone.”

Meanwhile, professional referees have defended the decisions made by referees this weekend, stating they can do what they want when it comes to decisions like that. “We admit,” said an unnamed official this evening. “That Ashley Young did go down quicker than a prostitute on speed, but at the end of the day it’s the referee’s decision and he made that call. In fact, Villa were lucky not to concede a couple of penalties while waiting in the tunnel from what I heard.

“That fact is, if a ref wants to give a penalty, they’ll give it even if there is no contact with the player, so get the fuck used to it. Twats.”

And when questioned about the goal that never was during the FA Cup semi-final between Spurs and Chelsea, the official had a rather bizarre explanation. “If you want to look at cheating in the game, look at Spurs. They moved the goal posts AND the line, then claimed the ball never crossed it. So by allowing that goal to stand shows our refs are completely on the ball, so to speak.”

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

Follow me on Twitter if you want @FedUpJedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page

No comments:

Post a Comment