Mayor of London wannabe Ken Livingstone has set his stall out and appealed to all homophobic voters by claiming the Tories are all gay.
Livingstone, who lost the mayoral election to human / alien hybrid Boris Johnson in 2008, claimed that some Tory MP’s denounced homosexuality while secretly shagging each other senseless.
“The homophobe vote is something we have never considered going for before and it’s a new angle we’re trying. There are a lot of homophobes out there waiting for us to take them under our wing.”
In response to Livingstone, two Tory M’s have written to Labour leader Ed Milliband demanding Livingstone’s remarks are retracted. A leaked copy of their letter is below:
Dear Ed
Ken Livingstone has said some not nice things about us Tories and we’re not happy about it, but first of all, where did you get that tie you were wearing last Thursday? It went really well with your eyes.
Anyway, Ken was calling us gay and me and my friend here object to that. We’re not gay, just showing our feminine side every now and then. Nothing wrong with that. Is your brother ever coming back? He’s got a lovely smile.
We just wanted to let you know our objections, so tell him off will you? If you want to send him round, we don’t mind giving him some punishment.
Speak soon
David and Nick
Right, get on your knees Clegg and don’t gag this time. You should be used to it by now. Is that Dictaphone still on? Bloody hell, turn it off you knobhead.
A spokesman for Livingstone claimed he is not homophobic but that he just prefers heterosexual people and that homosexuals would not be treated any differently if he is elected mayor. “They won’t be publicly hunted down. We’ll be really discreet.”
Ed Milliband was unavailable for comment, but his office did confirm that there was ‘no way in hell’ David Milliband was ever coming back,’ but he did agree that his brother does have a rather fetching smile.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
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