Friday 17 February 2012

France To Provide White Flags In New Military Agreement

Britain and France have agreed to accelerate plans to create a joint control and command centre for future military operations following the working in Libya.

The new agreement will see Britain providing strategic and military advice, deployment of troops and making crucial decisions in warfare, leaving France to provide an escape plan and white flags should it all go tits up.



Speaking at a press conference today, Prime Minister David Cameron said “This new agreement gives the UK an opportunity to do the very thing that it’s best at. War. But it also gives our Frenchie buddies an opportunity to show that they can actually be involved in effective planning of war and be part of a successful fighting machine regardless of the fact that they won’t do any actual planning and probably no fighting either. But at least they’re part of it”

His counterpart, big-nosed, wrinkly faced Nicolas Sarkozy agreed with Cameron’s words. “We have been very good at running away in the past and will not hesitate to do so in the future. However with the British on or side it might give us a little more time to plan our escape properly.”

The talks also involved pushing ahead plans to build a new generation of pilotless ‘fighter drone’ aircraft, however Sarkozy did suggest that they just use French pilots to fly the planes near their targets before bailing out, something which even Cameron described as ‘pretty fucking idiotic.’

As the talks ended, Cameron flew back to the UK to continue trying to convince Scotland to stay part of the Kingdom. A spokesman for Cameron said “We’re going to tell the Scottish we’re getting a new military command centre so if they want independence, they’re going to have to fight us and the Frenchies for it. Come to think of it, that’ll just be us, won’t it?”

With today being the start of the weekend, there was no-one coherent enough anywhere in Scotland to comment, but Cameron’s spokesman insists their thoughts and comments will be listened to and ultimately ignored, like the rest of the country.

“We treat everyone equal, that’s why the UK works so well. We listen, we ignore. It’s a great system. It got us into government didn’t it?”

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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