Tax Statements To be Issued So We Can See How Our Money Is Wasted

The chancellor George ‘Ossy’ Osbourne is set to announce plans to issue personalised tax statements from 2014 so that regular tax payers can see exactly what our money is being wasted on.

Ossy is to use his budget statement tomorrow to outline the plans so that those of us who have ho idea about the tax system can be more perplexed than ever, despite Ossy claiming it will be easier to understand and more transparent.

Under the proposals, every tax payer in the country will receive a statement and some insiders claim it will encourage people to pay their taxes so they see where their money is going.

“George has got this one spot on,” claimed on insider. “We think it will actually encourage people who don’t pay tax to start paying it. Then they won’t feel left out when everyone else can see what they’re contributing to. That’s the aim of it.

“And to be able to show the nation how fucked we really are will be a tremendous boost to the nation’s spirit. What a great plan. Remember, we’re all in this together, just some are more in it than others.”

While it would be good to see exactly what is being spent and how, there are still some concerns from the public. Larry Pool from Exeter said “Let me get this right. Their going to use taxpayer’s money to issue statements to tell us what our tax is being spent on? Are you serious?”

And Shirley Williams of Carlisle said “Oh, let’s see if I can guess where it goes. Does some of it go towards issuing personal tax statements by any chance? What a bunch of knobs.”

But not everyone hates the idea. Roger Dimplewick-Jones from Buckinghamshire said “It’s about time the poor people of this country knew what a mess they are in. They carry on like they are not affected by it all and hope rich people like me help them out.

“I’m not affected as I’m fucking wadded, but it’s the poor people who need to know how bad their situation is. They need to stop buying things that they can’t afford like clothes and food and face reality.

“Now get of my enormous land, you silly Jedi person or I’ll release the hounds, like they do in the Simpsons.”

And one person in particular is looking forward to receiving her statement. A spokesman for the Queen said “Her Majesty is interested to see exactly how much the Royal Family receives so she can put a stop to Charles fleecing her every month, just so he can keep Camilla in golden hooves.”

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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