Monday 12 November 2012

Now Sooty and Sweep Come Forward in Savile Abuse Scandal

1980’s puppet favourites Sooty and Sweep have finally come forward and revealed how they had suffered abuse for years at the hands, and quite often the cock, of late paedophile Jimmy Savile.

The orange puppet, who worked for years alongside, or rather on the hand of Matthew Corbett, became the first celebrity to speak out about the abuse he and his squeaky best friend Sweep had endured and how Sue know what was going on and did nothing about it.

Speaking through an interpreter due to his inability to speak, owing to the fact that he has no mouth, Sooty said “It was horrible, we’d finish filming and Matthew would put us safely in the case and go off for a few pints. We didn’t mind, it was fun with it being just the three of us.

“Then the case would open and Savile’s ugly face would appear. Sometimes it was me, others it was sweep but never Sue. She just sat there saying “La La La” and ignoring it. hate that bitch.”

And Sweep also backed up Sooty’s claims by squeaking “he used to stick his cock on my face. He knew I had no mouth but he kept doing it anyway. One day he threatened to use scissors to cut me a mouth.

“Sue knew what was going on but, despite her being the only one with the ability to speak a high degree of English that Matthew could understand without looking confused or pissed off, she never once told him what was going on. The things Savile used to do to us was just...I don’t want to squeak about it anymore.”

Sue has been in hiding ever since the first allegation of the alleged entertainer surfaced and rumour has it she has been taking large amounts of a new drug known as Zebra, which the taker gets high by licking the testicles of a zebra, a risky operation but worth it for the kick you get. From the drug, not the zebra.

Sooty’s Operator Matthew Corbett, who would regularly stick his hand up the puppet’s arse for “children’s entertainment” was visibly shocked at the allegations.

“You mean to say that I’ve been sticking my hand…inside a place…where Jimmy Savile put his…oh my god, I’m going to be sick.”

Police are still looking into the allegations of Savile’s activities and say they will take every lead seriously. “Apart from this one,” said one high ranking officers this evening. “Sooty was a hero of mine and I refuse to believe he was defiled like that. I ever find Sue, I’m going to rip her fucking smug head off. Bitch.”

May the force be with you

The Fed Up Jedi

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