The sofa, which cannot be named for legal reasons, is accused of causing death by dangerous towing after it became a willing participant in sofa surfing while not carrying out relevant safety checks. According to law, all sofas must make sure that they are tied correctly to vans, are loaded safely onto sleds and be towed in a way that is not a danger to any other road users.
However the passenger on the sofa, Francois Halle, died after the sofa maliciously swung out into the path of an oncoming vehicle. Incredibly, the sofa was still at the scene when the police arrived, making the arrest easy.
“We can confirm that a man has died as a result of sofa surfing,” said a police spokesman. “However, we have a suspect sofa in custody and can confirm it is the same sofa that we encountered at the scene. It hasn’t spoken a word yet, but we are confident a confession will come soon.”
British judge David Farrell has been called in to preside over the inevitable court case. “I understand that it is just a sofa, but it was a willing sofa and that’s the difference. And besides, the sofa looks older than it is. But even so, given the facts, I think we’re looking at a few months in jail, knowing me.”
Sofa surfing has become a huge craze, where youngsters often risk their lives using sofas they don’t really know and have no real idea of the sofa’s true intentions. “One sofa flung me off the other day,” said one unnamed victim of sofa abuse. “One minute we’re going around a corner, the next minute I’m on a grassy verge. I missed a tree by inches. I’m sure it was trying to kill me.”
In light of this incident, the Canadian government is set to clamp down on sofa surfing and, in particular unlicensed sofas. “We are looking to get all sofas licensed to participate in sofa surfing. We need to make sure these sofas are safe and reliable. Any unlicensed sofas will be imprisoned or, in severe cases, thrown on a bonfire.”
But a sofa union rep stated that people just weren’t using their clients for the purpose they were intended for. “If people used them for sitting and relaxing on, like they’re supposed to, incidents like this wouldn’t happen. Sofas should be inside in front of the TV, not dragged about the roads tied to the back of a van. If they continue to do it, they’ll be more deaths.”
The sofa rep has now received an official police caution for threatening behaviour and warned about its future conduct.
May the force be with you
Jedi Master Bob
Have a Twitter account? Then why the hell aren’t you following me? @jedimasterbob
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