Tool of the Year – Contender Number One – Michael Gove

Well I didn’t think that Tool of the Year would get a nomination so soon, but I suppose we can always rely on an MP or two to get us started.

Step forward Education Secretary Michael Gove, who suggested that we, the Great British public, should buy the Queen a new yacht to mark her diamond jubilee. He feels that spending money in such a way would somehow ‘raise the nations spirits.’

No forgive me for being cynical, okay don’t but how would buying a yacht for the royal family raise the nations spirits? I mean, aren’t we in the middle of an economic crisis, entering a year where many businesses may go to the wall, public services being cut, wages frozen and benefits being slashed or stopped altogether? Not to mention the mountain of debt that we’re currently up to our knees in.

So why would we the public delight at seeing the royal family being given an opportunity to sail anywhere they want in a boat paid for by us when the majority of us are struggling to even afford a week in Skegness? I’m sure royalists were positively foaming at the mouth or masturbating into a frenzy at the very thought of this, but normal people just think it’s another kick in the teeth.

And besides, I don’t remember the Queen ever sending me a gift for my birthday, wedding/anniversary or graduating from the Jedi academy, so why the hell should I send her one? She gets enough out of our taxes. If Michael Gove wants to give her one (steady one, I mean a yacht) then he can fucking pay for it.

Prime Minister Cameron and his little lap dog Clegg have incredibly shot down the idea, with the latter saying “I suspect most people in the country would think that given there's very little money around, this probably wouldn't be at the top of their list of priorities for the use of scarce public resources.” No shit Sherlock.

And a spokesman for the Department for Culture, Media and Sport said “The Palace has been clear that the Diamond Jubilee celebrations should reflect the current economic climate." Sausage rolls, tuna butties and Hula Hoops all round then. Somehow I don’t think so.

Michael Gove you have once again shown how out of touch you are with this country and you become our first entry of 2012. Something tells me that it won’t be the last time his name graces our competition.

May the force be with you.

Jedi Master Bob