It’s Official – Six More Weeks Of Winter

Well, the big freeze has well and truly settled in and now, to rub salt in our wounds, Punxytawney Phil has seen a shadow, which means we’re going to endure six more weeks of winter.

If you’re unsure of what I’m talking about, read my last post. I don’t write them for nothing. Anyway, Phil stepped out of his burrow this morning took a look around, stated the bleeding obvious, and dived back into the hole he came out of.

Now I’m no meteorologist, but I could have told you the same thing if you’d bothered to ask and it wouldn’t have involved a huge ceremony, man-handling a large beaver (steady) before announcing that result. All I had to do was look at the frost on the cars and say ‘it’s gonna be cold for a bit.’

Really though, Phil is in a win-win situation there. Winter lasts for another six weeks anyway so technically, he always going to be right. Personally, I’d love to see someone replace that elixir of life he drinks with a strong whiskey and see what he thinks then

But moving onto the weather, I don’t understand why the Met Office have got a cold warning system. Four level of coldness. It’s almost like they are setting the terror level. Well today, it is cold level one which means your nipples will be sticking out a bit, but tomorrow it will be cold level four. Better wrap your bollocks up or you might lose them.

And meteorologists wind me up as well. They stand there on my TV with all there technology and the first thing they say is ‘it was a cold day today.’

I know it was a cold day, I was fucking out there. I don’t want to know what it was like earlier. I want to know what it’s going to be like tomorrow. But they continue. “Temperatures reached little over freezing in most parts of the country by midday.” So fucking what? That was earlier and I don’t fucking care.

Then they get to the weather for the next day, tell us how cold it will be then say ‘so wrap up warm.’ No shit Sherlock. I was going to go out in a mankini but I can’t do that now you’ve told me to wrap up.

Seriously, I wish they’d replace some of the weather people in Britain with overgrown beavers, but by the look of some of them, they’re beavers are already overgrown.

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob