The arseholes in charge have decided that, rather than helping
homeless people into accommodation and employment, it will be better that they fine
anyone found sleeping rough in the streets £100, rising to a £1,000 maximum.
Some employees have dismissed the tests, with one saying “Like
everyone else at the council, I haven’t even got a fucking brain, so good luck
scanning my head. Losers.” As well brain scans, employees will also face a
series of tests, which will include counting to ten without stopping, reciting
the alphabet from start to finish in less than three hours and distinguishing between
a humans, plants and aliens.
“I’m really concerned,” said one woman who did not want to
be named, not for legal reasons or anonymity, she just couldn’t remember it. “I
work for Rushcliffe Council, so it’s been years since I’ve had to use my brain.
I hope they don’t ask too many complicated questions. The other day the doctor
asked me if I would like to sit down. I just cried. How was I supposed to
answer that?”
However one insider stated it was down to the government and
their scissors why they are introducing the fines. “It’s all part of government
cuts, and absolutely nothing to do with clearing these people off our affluent
streets,” the insider said today. “I mean, our chief exec only gets £118,000
per year and with cuts, it means his salary may only go up by 10%. How is he
supposed to live? So it’s only right that we follow the government’s example
and take it from the poor, needy and vulnerable.
“The homeless are just the start though,” the insider continued.
“Next year we are looking to introduce a breathing tax, so that anyone found
breathing in our streets will either have to stop breathing or be fined £3,000.
It’s only fair, we want a big, fuck off Christmas party next year and the
people will pay for it.”
This evening, as the homeless people of West Bridgford attempted
to keep warm any way they can, one homeless person defiantly said “They can
fine me all they want. I’ll just give my address as the third tree on the left,
then move to the second tree. That’ll confuse the fuck out of them.”May the force be with you The Fed Up Jedi Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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