The world’s most famous wide-mouthed frog, who has made
resigning from his role as UKIP leader his new hobby, made his latest
resignation following June’s EU referendum and oversaw September’s leadership
election in which Diane James was voted the new leader.
However the new leader lasted only eighteen days before resigning,
with Farage taking ‘temporary’ charge of the party. And today, leadership hopeful
Steven Woolfe was hospitalised and in a serious condition after being
reportedly ‘punched’ at a party meeting of MEP’s.
However an insider has revealed that it was Farage who was
responsible for manipulating MS James into resigning and attacking Mr Woolfe,
likening the UKIP leader to Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars.
“Palpatine manipulated his way to the top and once there, it
was impossible to remove him. It’s the same with Farage and UKIP. He talked
James into resigning before launching force lightning at Woolf. I saw it
myself, it came from his hands. He’s definitely a Sith Lord.”
And the insiders claims were further confirmed after Farage
accepted a return to his role, saying "I keep
trying to escape... and before I'm finally free they drag me back.” And, with words
akin to the Palpatine he said "It is with great reluctance that I have
agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic, I mean UKIP. Definitely
UKIP. I bloody love UKIP. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the
powers you have given me,” words that are virtually identical to Chancellor
Palpatine’s in Star Wars Episode Two. (Oh shut up, it’s not called The Fed Up Jedi for
nothing!)
Tonight, UKIP rebellion leader, known only as L Skywalker, a
farmer from an undisclosed barren environment rumoured to be Scotland said “We
need to stop this guy before he takes an apprentice. Actually, that might not
be a bad idea. Let him take an apprentice who will throw him down a shaft on a half-finished
battle station intent on destroying Europe.”May the force be with you The Fed Up Jedi Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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