The arse, known as Bernard, took centre stage since the
royal wedding and has barely been out of the limelight since then but admits
that it would be nowhere without its famous counterpart.
“We’re a bit like Artoo and Three P O,” said Bernard at the book
launch today. “Artoo is the clever one who knows what’s going on, that’s me,
and Three P O is the annoying, moaning one with no real talent to brag about.
That’s Pippa.”
The book, magnificently written by Bernard, the Arse of
Pippa Middleton, focuses on planning for parties and very little else, yet
retails at a ridiculous price of £25, although Amazon were quick to give the
book a price a little more to its true vale at just £12.
“ I can’t complain,” said Bernard. “It was only her name
that got this book published in the first place. If it was a regular person or
I’d written it on my own, it wouldn’t have stood a chance, so really I have her
to thank for that.”
And Bernard stated that he and Pippa were just like
symbionts, one being unable to live without the other. “Unfortunately I
wouldn’t be able to get away if I tried,” conceded Bernard. “She carried me
around from place to place and I’ve made and carried her ‘career’. It’s just
the way of things I’m afraid.”
Meanwhile Bernard told us that Pippa is planning her own
book without him, now she has her first publication. “She’s thinking of going
solo, now she’s a big shot writer. She forgets she a talentless bitch and needs
other people to carry her work. If it wasn’t for me, she’d be nothing. Nothing.
“What’s her next book going to be called? ‘How To Make Money
From Your Name Otherwise Known As Having A Sister Married To Prince William,
Heir To The British Throne?’ I’m not bitter though.”
And Bernard had to admit he hates Pippa’s new lifestyle and
wishes he wasn’t so attractive. “I’m sick of it to be honest. I just want her
to retire with the money she makes from the book but she won’t. She’ll go on
partying and I’ll have to bear the brunt of it as usual.
“But I’ll tell you this; if that bloke Jesus tries to put his
‘thing’ inside me again, I won’t have it. She might like it but I bloody don’t.
And is every bloke she shags called Jesus? She shouts his name enough times. Oh
here comes Harry, prepare to be slapped.”
May the force be with you
The Fed Up Jedi
Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
No comments:
Post a Comment