Cesar To be Drug Tested Following QPR Title Claims

New Queens Park Rangers signing Julio Cesar is to become the first Premier League player in history to be tested for drugs before even playing a game for his club, following his claims that he wants to win the league with the West Londoners.

Taliban Declare War On Anything That Improves Life

The Taliban have declared war on absolutely anything that could potentially improve the quality of life for people in Afghanistan, including having fun and women being allowed to be classed as human as opposed to ‘things.’

 The declaration comes after seventeen people were mercilessly executed for having the audacity to have some fun and enjoy themselves at a party where male and female guests mixed and music was played.