For the vast majority of men, December 22nd is
the traditional day they hit the shops in search of any old shit, but the end
of the world scheduled for December 21st has saved many men from
this fate and, of course subsequent shopping trips ever.
Ethan Barnard, a fat-arsed, lazy bastard from Essex said “What brilliant timing. I was planning to go
out on that last Saturday and have a few beers before I did some shopping but
Armageddon has saved me. Long live Armageddon. What is Armageddon anyway?”
And Lewis Duncan from Leeds
said “Last year was hell and I said that I was never, ever going to do this
again. And I was fucking right. Give me a choice between Christmas shopping or
dying in a hailstorm of fire and brimstone, I know what I would choose.
“Tell you what though, I can’t wait to see my wife’s face on
that Friday when we all go up in flames. She’s bought loads of presents already
and she keeps nagging me about getting my shopping done early. I’m going to
piss myself laughing. Through the pain of dying of course.”
However men have been warned there is a possibility that
Armageddon may not actually happen, with some ridiculous experts saying the
Mayan’s got it wrong. “They are out by at least 100 years,” said Professor Neil
Watson, crackpot lecturer on Mayan history from Bristol
Shortly after our interview, Professor Watson was carted
away to the loony bin to share a room with George W Bush.
May the force be with you
The Fed Up Jedi
Follow me on Twitter if you want @thefedupjedi or Fed Up Jedi's Facebook page
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