Cameraman To Be Charged With Murder Of Star Rabbit Born Without Ears

A cameraman, thought to be jealous of an earless baby rabbit’s burgeoning career, is set to be charged with murder after stepping on the star while filming him at an East German zoo.


The cameraman, who cannot be named because we don’t know who he is, was filming the rabbit, which was born without ears, as it played with its siblings. However when he moved in for a close-up, he stood on the bunny, killing it instantly.

“It is true that Til the Rabbit’s life was extinguished in a cruel and horrible manner,” said a spokesman for the zoo. “The cameraman concerned said it was an accident, but those of us who know him know different.”

A tearful insider who refused to be named said, “He was always going on about Til and how he was nothing special just because he had no ears. Yes, he was a bit of a diva and treated everyone like shit, but that’s no reason to stand on him. I hope he’s happy where he is, in bunny heaven.”

And another insider revealed what could be the cameraman’s motive for the attack. “From what I understand, his wife was having an affair with Til and had got herself pregnant with Til’s baby. That sent the cameraman over the edge.”

Meanwhile, Til’s family paid homage to the rabbit, saying that he lived his whole three weeks of life to the full. “He never let his disability affect him,” said his father speaking through an interpreter. “He just tried to be a normal rabbit, eating his carrots and lettuce, running about, that sort of stuff. Imagine what he’d be like if he could hear us now? He’d be like ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE?’”

Til’s body has been frozen while consultation continue with the family whether to bury him or have him stuffed and stuck on a mantelpiece somewhere. “We’d do whatever Til would have wanted but in all seriousness, we don’t fucking know as he never spoke to us properly.”

The rabbit was a star in its native Germany, primarily because it had been born without ears and was destined to be up there with the greats. However, its life was cruelly cut short and the cameraman, when he is found guilty, faced spending the rest of his life behind bars.

The prosecution will claim that the cameraman had found out about Til’s affair with his wife and decided to exact the perfect revenge, however the defence will counter their claims, stating that, if the rabbit had bothered to grow ears in the first place he’d have heard the cameraman and run a mile.

British judge David Farrell, who is a big contender for Fed Up Jedi’s inaugural Tool of the Year title, has refused to sit on this one, but stated the rabbit was probably near the end of its life anyway as it looked older than it was.

May the force be with you

Jedi Master Bob

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